Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Tiger, Have You Met Ryan Malone?

Poor Tiger Woods. He's been injured for a month now with a broken something or other. Perhaps its his vagina. He, for some reason or not, cannot play a full round of golf without his va-jay-jay hurting. I write this as my 68 year old neighbor is driving into his driveway after playing a full round this morning.

So what does Tiger do yesterday? He has a press conference, presumably called to discuss his snapper. When a reporter opened up the questions with a fairly harmless, "Wings or Pens?", here's what he said...

"I don't really care," Woods replied. "I don't think anybody really watches hockey any more, do they?"

Tiger, have you met Ryan Malone?

This occurred with 1:21 to go in the second period. Malone immediately went to the lockerroom. So you'd think he'd be done for the evening, Tiger? That's a pretty wicked injury - much worse than a stinky bajingo, huh?

Nope. Malone started the next period. He looked like twelve miles of bad road and had cotton coming out of one nostril, but he went back out and smiled. He played like he had a mouthful of bees - hitting Wings, laying down in front of shots, and creating the traffic in front of the net which helped Petr Sykora net the game winner in the third OT. His expression afterwards is why the Diablos play the game.

More from Tiger's favorite paper, the Beaver County Times - Malone's Heart Was Not Injured.

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